So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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