know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
