i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
