Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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