My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ok first of all what the fuck
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
