Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
