their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
