OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize