Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
