I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
