she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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