You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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