that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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