Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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