youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
