TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
