i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am naked and annoyed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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