How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
