I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
