apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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