i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
