the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
