First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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