nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
