i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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