Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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