I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
