i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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