Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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