we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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