Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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