I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
