"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
