Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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