ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
