the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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