Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
