I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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