the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
