Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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