when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize