And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
