i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
