okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
