I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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