Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
