I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
