just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
