Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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