He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
