At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
