Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
