dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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