There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
