one two three fourrrrnication!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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