Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
