I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
