So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
