Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
