Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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