She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
