i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
