so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
