my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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