you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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