atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
