It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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