i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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