trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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