through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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