It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
