Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
